We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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