Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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