I just made out with a guy for $7.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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