Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
