when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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