she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
