I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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