I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sobbing to NWA
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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