After last night, I could never be a politician.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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