is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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