I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
