They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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