Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
