8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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