I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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