he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
