As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
