$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
