You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize