Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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