He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
