I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
