He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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