Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
