I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
