he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
