do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
