I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
