After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
