He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
