what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
