Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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