Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
