Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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