I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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