OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can Purell be used as lube?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Are we still banned from the library?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
