Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
