You smell like a Billy Joel song
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
