i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
