I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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