I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
