he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
