will power is for people who don't want to get laid
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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