Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
