watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I deserve this hangover.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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