Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
