Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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