I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
