I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
