So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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