But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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