Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
